I think mothers today are in some ways doing a disservice to one another. We spend on our time with our "mom friends" praising the wonderfulness of our children. Don't get me wrong this is a great thing... to a point. We are supposed to be proud of our children's accomplishments and when we have really great days at home. We forget to tell one another sometimes that these "perfect" children can have really bad days as well.
I am surrounded by an incredible circle of friends. Prior to motherhood and into present time, they have told me how their children take naps like it is an Olympic marathon, play contently by themselves, eat like champions, and so on. Basically leaving me with an impression that their children are like this 24 hours a day.
Let me praise on Belle for a minute and then get down to business. Belle is a happy and sweet baby. Developmentally she is ahead in some areas and right on par in others (adjusted age). She started consistently sleeping through the night at two and a half months. I could go on and on about how abundantly happy she has made our family, but that is not the point of this post.
Belle's personality is really starting to come out more and more. At the end of the day, I consider changing Belle's birth certificate so that her middle name reads Strong-Willed. Nap times are hit or miss and sometimes more of an Olympic sprint. Leaving the room without a complete and utter meltdown is out of the question. When it comes time for her to nurse it is like a wrestling match which has led me to start weaning her because it is just not worth a fight anymore. There are many other things which for the last few days left me absolutely frazzled. Can't you understand what it feels like to have this image of all your friends children sitting quietly and doing everything their mother asked of them all while you feel like you are losing your mind?
After a little meltdown out of exhaustion and many conversations with Mark, my mom and dad, I have come to a realization. It is something I want to challenge other mothers with, and something that I want to be honest about for women who will be mothers some day. Some are my mom's thoughts and some are mine.
Do you think that Moses, David, Jesus, Paul and other great leaders of the Bible were quiet children? Do you think that they followed all directions and obeyed their mothers at all times? NO! We even know this from the scripture. There is evidence in the Bible that God used strong-willed children to be the leaders. God has a special plan for Belle. I don't know if she will be a significant leader one day, but I know that he has given her personality distinct qualities so that she can do great things for Him. He also gave her to Mark and I so that we may raise her to use her personality to accomplish great things in His kingdom. He knew that we were capable of making it through the days when our patience will be tested. I challenge all mothers first of all to recognize the qualities in their children that are God gifted and if they can be challenging in day-to-day life, make a daily promise to praise Him for them. Also, pray for guidance in raising your children to use these gifts fully.
There is no child out their that always "colors between the lines". I am not saying that children drive their parents nuts, but that every child is unique. Mothers, I challenge you to talk with your closest friends and acknowledge the ways that your child may color outside of the lines. The more honest we are with one another the less frustration moms will have on their bad days at home. The best thing that happened after my rough days at home were two girls at work being very honest about their rough days at home with their kiddos. They told me how they had struggled that day. Admitting our struggles isn't admitting that something is wrong, it is recognizing the areas in life that Satan is attacking us. I know that this has been a bit of rambling, but I hope that there is something you have been able to take from this. I have started the last few days at home with a much clearer perspective and prayer. It hasn't been that there haven't been any struggles, but I have been better equipped to handle them.
3 comments:
Rachel, I really appreciate this post...not that I can sympathize at this exact point in my life, BUT I'm sure that someday I will (hopefully sooner than later)!! Josh and I were both very strong-willed children, so I'm sure that it will probably come back to haunt us when we have kids. Your honesty about the joys & challenges of motherhood is very refreshing, and it's really helping me to be realistic about what things will be like someday when I do have a child.
Rachel- what a great post! I have lots of friends having babies these days and all they post about is how wonderful life is. I am sure there are lots of awesome moments but someone needs to remind all us future moms (and reassure new moms everywhere) that not every day is perfect! I love reading about Belle and how she is growing up, keep up the good work =)
Rachel, you are spot on and have spoken about something very true to my heart! My oldest is now 5 and when he was an itty bitt baby I vowed to talk about parenthood in a real perspective. Before he was born my husband and I were working on our graduate degrees. Based on what our friends talked about (we would love being a parent, all the baby does in the beginning is sleep, poop and nurse, etc.), I had visions of writing my thesis while Evan napped in the crib beside me, taking a few breaks to feed him or change his diaper. Well, it wasn't like that. He cried a lot and didn't take a nap that was longer than 20 minutes until he was 6 months old! He didn't nurse terribly and ended up being bottle fed, which was of course a HUGE travesty (or so people freely tell you). Nothing was like I envisioned, or like any of my friends told me. I felt so isolated and alone, like everyone else was at home playing with their perfect babies while I was struggling to keep my head above water. I had no idea what to do with contrasting emotions and I didn't want to tell everyone else who had perfect babies that mine was far from that. So, I suffered alone, in post partum depression for several months. Then, I met a group of girlfriends all first time moms with kids around my son's age. This group of girlfriends was my saving grace. We have been so raw and real with each other, through the good, the bad and the ugly! They have been a gift from God! I am very honest with other mothers or soon to be parents because what I have learned by opening up and being honest is that it allows others to open up. And, in that honesty, I have discovered that EVERY parent out there has the same emotions, frustrations and realities that I have had. They might play out differently, but ultimately no one has it perfect! And, the reality still doesn't take away the joy that makes parenting worth it.
-Wendi Putzke (met your hubby on an HTI trip in July 2007)
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